He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize