I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
