you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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