I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
