I'm so fucking centered right now
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
