okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
