a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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