I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
