I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We smell like vodka and hangover
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