Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
