oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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