So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
