I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
