she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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