Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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