dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
