Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
