I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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