are you still at the devil's house?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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