i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
