i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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