After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You don't make any sense
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