I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
