What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
someone owes me an orgasm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
