is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
