ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
