five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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