My sheets look like a crime scene.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
