I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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