She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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