oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
