a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
