just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
