he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize