Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
