Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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