If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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