Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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