Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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