Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
