Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
