just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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