My first STD was from a foam party
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
