none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
