My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
