I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
