Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
