Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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