god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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