I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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