I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
