Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
