Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
