I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
