my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
