we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's always time for handjobs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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