you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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