im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
