P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
