So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
