drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
