I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
