The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
