your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
