i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My vagina is officially offended.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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