you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
