My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
