i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
