Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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