my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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