it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it hurts more in the daytime
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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