my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize