I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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