If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
