how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
