Your mouth is God's brothel.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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