Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
