my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Bring me that man meat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
