i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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