you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
