I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
