bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
