Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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