Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
