The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
