Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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