If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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