Please, let me fuck your mom
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize