Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
