id be glad to
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
