WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
