Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
only you would photoshop your dick
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
