alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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