I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
accomplished twins. life is a go
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
