he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
